Humor, a 4-year-old perspective

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Yesterday, during a lego play sesh, A admitted something to me.

“M doesn’t think my jokes are funny.”

And A LOVES to make a good joke. He’s also very perceptive about whether he’s being laughed with or being laughed at (unfortunately for him it’s usually the latter).

As he says, he has three jokes:

The boy told his mom he needed to do a ca (poop) but then he only went pee.

(alternately) The boy told his mom he needed to go pee but then he did a ca.

The boy told his mom he wanted carrots but he got green beans.

Yes, he came up with these all by himself. There’s something to be said for originality, right?

I tried to make it a teachable moment and I explained to him that different people think different things are funny. I could have quoted Tina Fey to him, but I’m not sure that he would have understood… or that it proves my point. But keep trying to make jokes, little guy! And when you’re an adult doing stand-up and still making jokes about poop and carrots, you can thank me.

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Friday Photo Dump IV

Featuring: nomz, a picnic with A, animal friends. I’ve neglected to document my trip home, but it’s just because it was too great and I can’t relive it yet.

Friday Photo Dump III

I know I’m being pretty liberal with my numbering system, but technically I HAVE posted two photo dumps before (here and here). This one will have a few throwbacks, but I think they’re still worth it to chronicle my life at this moment.

Pinterest Almost-Fail: Homemade Goldfish

Pop quiz: what do Goldfish, peanut butter and granola have in common?

Answer: They’re all difficult to get or extremely expensive in France. I learned this fact when my host family requested I bring them with me in August. Of course, in the ensuing packing disaster, I only had room for the Goldfish in my suitcase, shout out here to my boyfriend for bringing peanut butter with him on his trip later in the month. And, double of course, the boys ate through the two giant bags of goldfish in the first three weeks since they were a key part of snack every day. Being an avid pinner (meaning I use it to avoid getting out of bed), I knew when I found this homemade Goldfish recipe on Pinterest there was an afternoon activity in our future. And, it would kill two bird with one stone–the boys would get a fun activity AND they’d have goldfish for snack! AND they would learn the phrase “kill two birds with one stone”! They’ll be giving me the plaque for best au pair ever any day now.

First problem: Do they have cheddar cheese in France?

Solution: Yes! Although it’s an almost scary orange and it’s circular. Strange. But, hey, tastes fine!

Thankfully, the rest of the ingredients were easy–butter, salt, cold water, flour. You mix everything in a food processor and ba-bam! But then…

Second problem: There’s no food processor.

Solution: A.. hand blender? Looks like this, usually used for giving soups a smooth consistency. Maybe this is a common thing and I’m just not very culinarily advanced (I’m guessing this is the case), but I was pretty mind-blown the first time my host mom made a smooth soup. However, the blending part took a precarious turn, and the whole project almost turned into a Pinterest Fail, but we managed to get it to a decent consistency and refrigerated the dough as instructed. Side note, A basically lost interest after the cheese grating and playing with flour parts were over. So, if you’re planning on doing this project with a 4 year-old, that’s about how long it’ll keep them busy. Thankfully, my backups M (9) and J (12) were more focused.

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Now comes the fun part! Cutting out shapes, baking and eating 🙂 Also, I hand-made those goldfish cookie cutters. Regular size and jumbo. Out of a soda can. NOT as easy as the tutorial leads you to believe, but thankfully my Design major has prepared me for cutting and reshaping a myriad of materials.

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The End Result: Very tasty, cheesy little cracker! I think the bigger ones were almost better because they had a nice consistency. And obviously the boys were overjoyed and wanted them in their snacks every day for the whole week!!!! JUST KIDDING both of them decided they didn’t want them the next day and haven’t eaten a single one since that day. I think J and I are the only ones who have eaten them. I guess it might be considered a Pinterest fail after all…

Nice try.

–Scene 1–

I’m putting together the snack for the kids in the morning. M requests one type of cookies, the kind that A doesn’t like. Great! Then sees me put a different type of cookies in A’s snack, and changes his mind that he wants that type of cookies. Drat. Pouting ensues when I inform him that A won’t eat the other type, and there’s only one pack of this type, so the odds are not in his favor today. M complains that since there’s only one pack, it means A must have eaten a pack the day before. I move on with my life because there are a million things in the world more important to me than what kind of cookies they eat for snack.

–Scene 2–

I’m doing laundry, and hear a crinkling noise in the pants that M wore yesterday. Hmm, intrigue. What’s that? The wrapper from the cookies he INSISTED that A ate yesterday? AHA. HARD EVIDENCE. I WILL TEAR HIM APART.

–Scene 3–

Me: Oh hey M, look at this wrapper from the cookies A allegedly ate yesterday. You know where I found it?

M: Uhh, where?

Me: IN YOUR PANTS POCKET.

M: *sheepish grin*

–Scene 4–

I cry quietly to myself because apparently cookies do matter to me. However, I am unsatisfied by his lack of guilt. Mental note to use this deception to my advantage at a later date.

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Re: My Necklace

A: What’s it supposed to be?

Me: Nothing, it’s just a design.

A: C’est pas beaux. (It’s not beautiful)

[He says this with a smug expression of superiority, like, lol you can’t even pick out a necklace and I’m supposed to listen to you when you tell me I have to walk on the sidewalk?]

What I’d Like To Say: You’re a four-year-old boy. You don’t even DRESS YOURSELF in the morning. What on God’s green earth do you think gives you the authority to tell me my necklace isn’t beautiful? You can’t even SPELL necklace. Take that smug little face and come back when you’ve seen other necklaces besides your mother’s. FYI: the ones with stick figure silhouettes and names of her children aren’t particularly stylish. I mean, fine, you don’t like the necklace, kids are brutally honest, blah blah blah. My problem is that you have the AUDACITY to act as if you know better than me, specifically about this subject. I have been wearing necklaces for about five times as long as you’ve been ALIVE. When you’re old enough to buy a necklace for someone/if you choose to wear a necklace yourself, you can call me. Or teleport to me, because that’s how far in the future it will be when your opinion on this subject will have any weight with me.

What I Actually Say: Oh well, you don’t have to wear it!